Jcyf94's Blog

Forgetting and remembering are both coping mecanisms when one is being put in a constantly and extremely hostile and dire environment.  There are other coping mechanisms only the person in the middle of such environment could understand.  I absolutely should not reveal any of my thoughts under the current circumstance and I have made efforts to make sure of that.  However, I am still writing at this moment and I do not know why.  It is not because I have not been terrorized enough or because I am trying to defy or show my toughness.  I do not know the reason except I have been terrorized enough, persecuted enough and chained by powerful yet unsavory forces long enough.  I feel very often that my life is in constant danger and that most people think that what I have been through are deservedly justified.  I remind myself to be guarded and seek no empathy or aids when I am reminded of the past, the present and the likely future.  However, I am at this moment acting against my own interest and following what can only be called my instict or reflex, like unconsciously remembering and forgetting. I do not know where these come from. I can only record it when I am mentally and physically fit enough.  I am a human being.