Jcyf94's Blog

I used to believe that the same instrument of innovation that harmed innocent people must have capability to help people in distress. If I realized that I had used an instrument incorrectly and generated results that were detrimental to myself, my allies and my beliefs, I would have the sense to be aware of past mistakes and learn to use it the way that would be beneficial to myself and others. Unfortunately, now that I failed to manage the messages adequately and efficiently, I have lost the benefit of doubt to prove that my intention was pure and benign in essence. I am prone to giving in to reactionary and raw emotions and solidify my reputation as an immature malcontent and a deliberate shit-starter. The more I tried to fix what went wrong in the past, the more inadvertent troubles I have invited to myself. I had given myself, my allies and my beliefs bad names due to my inappropriate and spontaneous words and often irrational and poorly thought-through behaviors. I have no one to blame but myself and my volatile state of mind. I really believed I could make it right this time around, and am frustrated beyond disappointment by my lack of command to my impulses and my recklessness. I probably have worsen the situation by attempting to right the wrongs of my recent past, and I blame myself and myself solely for any derogatory language that might further infuriate other people. I probably should really quit posting again in the immediate future,so that my severely stained reputation will not degenerate further to the point that is beyond recuperation, and start seriously damaging the perception of my charater. I never had the delusion that repairing damages to my reputation is going to be easy. I was just surprised by and disappointed in how severe my lack of emotional discipline and impulse control have deteriorated, and am now anxious to thoroughly fix what must be fixed. I cannot guarantee the results, but it is safe to bet that I have taken measures to insert health dozes of extreme cautions into my inner psyche. Loose-talks do cost lives, especially one’s own. If I had not fully appreciated the urgency, it is safe to bet that incompetence and carelessness will no longet be tolerated here. Whether it would be enough to salvage what is still salvageable, halt any more accidental animosity, and reconcile with potential parties that were involved with past unnecessary misunderstandings, unfortunately, depends on my ability to openly expressing willingness to make amends regarding current unresolved conflicts. I did not dictate the condition where I involuntarily gave my first impressions to strangers without having the chance to be properly prepared to make the best efforts. It was hard to swallow, but I must give in to reality. I am not as terrible, cynical, ungrateful, arrogant, decadent, and malcontent as others would like to have you believe.