Jcyf94's Blog

You pump yourself up any way necessary and possible when you are facing an urgent situation beyond anyone’s comprehension. Self-induced delusions under the current scenario are at times absolutely necessary to push things forward. The brain is supposed to take care of itself by forgetting traumatic experiences or memories as fast as possible, but there are always unforgettable pieces of past that never quit haunting your present; some are worries that are manageable, but some are trauma embedded with certain realms of consciousness. You can only try to brainwash yourself into believing a fabricated reality created by your delusions for your own survival, in order to neutralize the trauma. How well it works is to be determined, but there are physical pain and mental agony so unbearable that literally paralyze your body and soul. When reality does not provide time for slow recuperation, you numb any emotion or sensation the best you can to forcibly shock or lie to yourself in order to function when you are emotionally and physically spent with no juice left. It is no game and you do not get to explain or complain while others call you lazy, entitled, decadent, or plain insane. Life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, in that order, are no longer inalienable rights, and you learn not to bitch about unhappiness or even loss of liberty when the lives of your family and you are in serious jeopardy.  You cannot write your way out of these crises, but sure hope to write your way out of state of paralysis and prove to yourself that you might be damaged but completely shattered, that you still possess a few basic functions to prevent yourself from total despair.  “Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair.”