Jcyf94's Blog

They say kindness and tenderness are for pussies and weaklings. They say I am so hateful that even my parents as well as I should be wiped off the face of the earth after enduring prolong mental tortures. I would rush to get it accomplish if I can figure out a way to protect my family and I; I might fail but there still is a chance. “Hyxen” is not …just a fad. I would kill without hesitation the people who wish to demolish us if I have the chance. I had made mistakes, but medicine is not one of them. If I want to make my parents free from worry, I should 1. Cut down on the medication. 2. Make mom and dad understand that the medication is not the main cause of my fears and worries, that people truly have no regard to our lives, and I am paranoid but not delusional. I am using Ritalin to control my fear that had been piling up for four years and had reached the limit a while ago. It is the only thing that would balance the extreme fear and panic, and many people do not want me to recover; they, by their words and deeds, want me die a terrible death, and might do that to my parents just for fun. They look at me as a criminal and the incarnation of evil thus must be destroyed. I am ashamed that I let myself and my parents be humiliated, framed, coerced and hurt physically. I have almost given up two days ago and exited. I will be permanently damaged if I go cold turkey, which I tried. People would prefer the options above for their deep hatred towards us, which I really have no clue, but nothing seems to be able to stop the plot to torture our family. I do not know how, and I am in exhaustion and am easily crushable, but I cannot give up and let the bastards dehumanize and torture my Mom, my Dad, and my Sister the same way different parties had done to me without trying my best to avert it.