26 July 2012: What if

by jcyf94

What if it is not what I do, but who I am, that people consider to have pathological impacts to the society.

What if the way I have been trying to push myself in desperation appears to be just an excuse to others.

What if lessons I have learnt contradict with my outlook to life, people and myself at the most fundamental level.

What if history repeats… itself and I have no say over what is likely about to take place.

What if that which appears to be abstract and existential to others appear to be real and present to me.

What if it is already too late, despite the fact that I can never know for certain if anything would be too late until it is made certain to me.

What if my best is not good enough, but needs to be good enough.

What if I am always a foreigner wherever I go in the world.

What if I am destined to be no more than what appears to myself at this moment.

What if I cannot be re-educated, healed, or rehabilitated.

What if I am really not looking for confirmation or justification, but a workable solution.

What if I am really looking for confirmation or justification for what I cannot control.

What if I am actually right, but have been hoping that I got it all wrong.

What if I have been looking for answers in wrong places.

What if I am wrong, that things are not as rosy or as hopeless as I think they are.

What if I cannot stop self-doubts, or turn it into a driving force to better myself.

What if I truly am all words and no actions, all style and no substance, thus a person whom I could never have respected.

What if I I have lost capacity to learn, grow, heal and improve myself.

What if I truly cannot take it any longer, but nobody believes me.