5 August 2012: Schaudenfreude, Cowardice, Manhood, and Coping Fear and Shame

by jcyf94

Many think that I said what I said and did what I did because I do not know what it is like to fear.  Thus, they have attempted to fear me into submission, maybe just for kicks.

I know fear, at least I think I know fear. In fact, I know it too well to know that things can always get worse when you think it cannot get any worse, and that what appear…s on the surface is far from sufficient enough for anyone to even begin to comprehend the magnitude of what is being concealed beneath the surface. 

I assume and hope that most people will not have to experience what I have experienced, for most people are emotionally far more superior than me, and each of my experiences is unique to my and myself, since our makeup are as unique as our experiences.  I dare not call myself a survivor; I am not close to have fully survived my crises in the present.

I am not qualified to offer anything that people have not already known.  I just remember what it feels like to be lost without directions in the midst of terror and uncertainty.  Despite my incompetence and occasional contempt for humanity, I hate to see anyone being stuck in chronic quicksand of fear.

I am afraid that I have very little to share that might be remotely possible of any use to others.  It is easy for me to neglect the most basic essentials when being completely overwhelmed by panic and fear.  Therfore, I periodically remind myself of a few personal codes or coping skills derived from common sense and experiences, if I happen to have the capacity to remember.

  • Never ever get emotionally manipulated when being called a coward, or other derogative terms.
  • Never ever call anyone a coward, or other derogative terms under any circumstances, especially in extreme rage.

The first one might preserve you life and/or your sanity, and second one, your remaining human decency and empathy.

I am prone to writing much more than I originally planned.  It reduces any emotions too intense for me to stop their compounding effects and thoughts too heavy to continue to shoulder.  Not much, but definitely enough to help me cope.

Sorry.