Jcyf94's Blog

I am not whining or preaching. I am seeking help with my future at stake.

I was disgraced and wronged here.  I will fight to right the wrong here.

Revisiting Negative Nabob of Negativism, as the starting point:

Do not count on decency in men.

Do not count on kindness in men.

Do not count on charity in men.

Do not count on mercifulness in men.

I used to believe the opposite and I built my core on such belief.

Then I learnt 20 years too late that the rest has already evolved.

I am merely the product of my habitats and circumstances.

Being negative is the only way to keep my optimism alive.

I have expeienced excruciating pain for over a year and a half.

I am certain it is inflicted upon artificially but without proof.

I cannot seek help from most, knowing it is of no use.

Doctors I confided in implied that I deserve to suffer.

There are experiences that are uniquely personal.

You tried to connect the dots and make sense of them.

There are great risks by sharing them with others.

You must distinguish the facts from their implications.

I have been writing here and documenting on my own.

It allows greater buffer bwtween thoughts and expressions.

I have embarrassed myself and my family by what I wrote.

I was not seeking attentions.  I was seeking help all along.

People cannot read more than 140 characters nowaday.

I try to condense what I tried to let known with fewest words.

I can manage to seek temporary pain relief on my own.

I cannot continue to let such forces causing damages.

Whatever you think I am doing or I should be doing,

I am doing it as the very last resorts, if you believe me.

I do not deserve what I have suffered and endured.

No one deserves what I have experienced.  Never ever.

Before I am disabled, I will keep on writing and reaching.

I cherish my privacy with as much care as I cherish my life.

I have been made to publicly swallow shame so unbearable

that taking to the extreme to numb myself is not enough.

As my life was ruined here by lack of necessary caution,

I need to keep on setting the records straight to you all

If I were the only one who appears to have lost my marble,

I would resign to my inevitable mandate in silent atrophy.

I am a terrible writer and worse talker.  I do not fantasize.

I am determined to documeny publicly what need to be known.

I also just aim to regain what is taken away fro me maliciously

by enduring further pain and shame and letting the facts be known.