5 November 2012: Inner Strength and its limit

by jcyf94

I do not compare suffering and hardship to others. I will never tell you that I had it tougher than you ever had. Unless it comes from someone I truly respected, I usually do not take the comparison the other way seriously. Back when I had a social life, I never spoke much about myself and I had not had much to share, to discuss or to need a drink …for.

I have felt overwhelmed and exhausted for long time. I do not mean to whine over here but sometimes when you find yourself deteriorating and regressing rapidly when you need more capacity to deal with what needs to be handled, you find this external energy and stabilizing strength to deal with what is absolutely impossible to face emotionally and psychologically. It gets you through another day without a total collapse.

I am at loss with words regarding the amount of energy I had wasted on worries and solutions. I am long burnt out, but must keep fixing myself. I am really looking for the ability to cry just once. It is unmanly and supposedly lacks self respect to admit to the limit of your inner strength. I just did. If you can handle what I have to deal with and teach me about it, you will earn my utmost respect.

My problems are known over the town, apparently. It is just no one is willing to confirm my long-held suspicion.