Jcyf94's Blog

I stumbled upon the social network theme in’ 09 while started to keep my blog.  I had no background in networking or computer science, and I did not know the inherent danger in blogging or using social network.  I did them because others have adapted these sites as the new platform of communication.

At the time, I had started to withdraw myself and isolate myself from friends and acquaintences for various reasons, mainly due to the fact that I was in what I thought the low point of my life, and I thought these tools might help.

This turned out to be what now seems likely to be the key to my downward spiral into the eventual demise, as I have tried for 3+ years to hang onto whatever I can grasp to give myself a fighting chance to survive the real and existential crises.

I like to share many phenomenons I had experienced that were, simply put, figuratively and literally, shocked me into the state of atrophy, but I know that no one would believe me and take what I said seriously.  Hoping for a rational explanation for these phenomenons or giving warnings to others about absolutely unforeseeable dangers and traps , I realize now, were waste of energy and time.

I should have realize that the perception of others on what I said is more important than what really had happened.  I should have detect the danger of being perceived as mentally deranged or socially inept, thus losing any of my creditability remained.  I should, and did seek what is urgently needed, then or now, and I still cannot find it.

These are supposed to be private.  I should not let my past be known, fully realizing the potential fatal damages to my name and future prospect.  I am putting it out in the open because the damages had been done and there are people who would make sure that my reputation and future are completely and thoroughly destroyed without any chance of recovery.  I am aware who those peole are and what they are capable of.

The only thing I am capable of doing is to try to document my side of the past.  I might not stand a chance against attempts of annihilation of my life and my family’s existence.  I might perish with labels attached to me forever.  I might never be able to escape from the paralysing pain until the moment of Ultimate Escape.

I really have little to lose at this moment.  That makes me disregard any malicious words and deeds from others and abandon any concern for consequences.  This is no delusional thoughts, and someday I might or might not live to see the justice done.

I have never been arrogant, or even narciccistic, but I will get done what needs to be done, by any means necessary.  That is a long-kept oath, and I preferred to be perceived as merely a talker without ability to manifest sworn vengeance.  It suits me fine because I crave no longer approval or help, but ability to inflict as much pain and agony to those who had done the same to me, by any means necessary.