Jcyf94's Blog

People condemn bullying publicly but condon it privately. In a way many even encourage it. They claim it stimulates competitive spirit and enables continuous evolution by weeding out the unfit.

I had never been bullied until well into my 30’s, and have no resource for help since it has long been justified that victims are always at fault for inviting bullying. It is the norm here in Taiwan. … It is the norm in Japan, Korea, China, Latin America, Africa, Middle East and the States. I hope Europe is more sensitive to such issue, but it is in trouble because it is being bullied at this moment.

I have lost ability to trust that people have courage to guard the basic human decency with concrete action; most, especially those of profound influences to others, openly encourage bullying by their words and deeds and suppress others relentlessly when men and women with courage speak out.

I have also lost belief to non-violent resistence, seeing that, especially here in this land, submission to violence of any kind is considered a virtue and bullies, when violence of any kind is tolerated by authority figures, cannot be reasoned with or contained by external pressure. There is a reason majority of authority figures are in essense lifetime bullies.

I have learnt my lessons, perhaps too late in life to have any positive effects, and to just recover from trauma and its effects. I should be ashamed to be bullied blindsided at this age, and to let others traumatize me to such extend that might have caused irreversible damages. I might appear shameless to admit to that openly, but I have lost ability to feel shame; I need to numb my emotion any way possible to deal with physical pain.

This is the legacy of bullying and tortures. One lesson I learn is that no one can and will help and seeking help from others risks further damages. Before I was bullied, I hated bullies but trusted that people share similar contempt for such act that bullies do not last. Now, the hatred has solidified into my DNA, and the trust of people evaporates rapidly, as much as I try to hold on to it.

I do not seek your pity or sympathy. I am reaffirming my oath that I, if by slim chance that I would recover from this, will dedicate all I have left to identify, track down, study and purge those bullies and their families thoroughly from the face of the earth, and actively guard the innocents and rehabilitate bullies of all sorts from the youth. One is personal vendetta; the other is one of my life missions. One calls for blood; the other calls for complete healing

However, I am not the same naive and good-natured Julio anymore. The unrelenting Hatred has embedded deep in my soul; I doubt anyone can remove that. I have many to thank for that.